Exhausted!

I am worn out! It's been a loooong week starting with last Friday when Rhett had his wisdom teeth cut out. We've been eating instant mashed potatoes and boxed mac & cheese all week long! I'm sick of it, but I sure wasn't cooking if he wasn't eating!

Rhett's grandmother went to the emergency room again with her blood pressure. She's okay, still the same really. So, I'm worried about her. That also meant his parents brought BFG home early so I only got half of her room cleaned out. I got to clean out the rest with her "helping" me. Translate that into I didn't get to throw much away andit took me twice as long! Her room looks good though. I'll post pics sometime soon. Her room really took us all week.

We lost a chicken (I'll tell that story later!) and a belt on our lawn mower broke.

I made my back-to-school deals errands run and hosted a playdate. Luckily, my friend brought the food! Yay! It was yummy!

I am just so tired and it is sooooo hot here! I just want to curl up and sleep the rest of the day!

Trying to get a nap in,
Mama Said

And The Correct Answer Is . . .

Here's a little "What If" scenario for you . . .

If you are driving home from your in-laws which is an hour and a half away and your five year old starts puking in the car right when you get to a small town that is a tad shady and you need to pull over, which of the following would you choose:

A) Turn in the same spot a drug-dealer-looking car in front of you is turning---which is a dark, unlit, and deserted parking lot.

B) Turn into Chili's parking lot which is crowded, but still dark. Not to mention, people are either going in to eat or coming out after having just eaten.

C) Turn into Wal-Mart.

I think any woman in America knows the obvious answer. Of course, Rhett chose the first two. Luckily, due to my screams of dismay, we didn't stop and get out at A or B. Okay, so I didn't say Wal-Mart to him specifically. I just said, "We need to pull over." But we were on the same street as Wal-Mart! I just don't get men. How can I create a plan of action and a list of items I can run in Wal-Mart and buy that would help the situation within 10 seconds of BFG starting to puke and a man has no clue? Doesn't that make sense? Wal-Mart is brightly lit, crowded enough to be safe, and has anything and everything we could possibly need to make the hour left we had to drive home. And why can't Rhett just read my mind? I love him dearly, but do I really have to say exactly what I mean all the time? LOL!

Due to the argument that followed, we ended up choosing D and gunning it home. Luckily, BFG barely had any on her clothes and immediately fell asleep after she puked. So, we zoomed along with pink puke all over the car and me gagging at the smell with my nose out the cracked window in 20 degree weather. When I would get too cold, I luckily had some smelly lotion I slathered on my hands to give me something to smell.

Good times, good times. As you can imagine, we had a fabulous Valentine's Day. (Wiping up the drips of sarcasm from that sentence.)
Mama Said

Crisis Cleaning

You know how some people have a crisis and the first thing they do is clean? It's like how they cope with the crisis or something. Well, that is so not me. When a crisis hits, I'm the type that goes for food or a nap.

I noticed today that for some unbeknownst reason all of our little crises around here require me to clean! And I hate it! It's the absolute last thing I have the time and energy for. And, it's not like just picking up a little. No, our mini-crises require every nook and cranny of the entire house to be scoured and disinfected.

Think about it . . . lead paint scare--scoured the house, mice---scoured the house and washed everything in my cupboards, pin worms scare--kept the house scoured, fleas--scoured the house and washed everything, more lead paint scares, more mice. . . . . See? I am just plumb worn out from scouring this darn house!

Now, the latest is Rocky the Magnificent Collie has ringworm. Not kidding. So, after another mad dash to the vet today, I had to scrub the house and start washing everything. For the next, oh I don't know how long, I have to treat Rocky with 3 different things including an ointment to put on 4 or 5 times a day, wipe down surfaces he touches with diluted bleach spray, wash his bedding, and keep his chew toys sterilized. Oh, and keep him away from BFG and the cat all the while waiting for symptoms to show up on them in 10 to 12 days. Plus, we have a friggin' cold front so I can't just throw him outside for the duration of this.

Okay, now I've got that out so maybe I can have a good night's rest on our brand new mattress!

Mama Said

Zzzzzzzz!

I am so, so tired. Been so busy lately. I've been trying to get so much done to make December easier that November has become my dreaded month! Appointments, activities, chores, etc. have just piled up on me. Of course, the first week of December is already booked, too. I love the holiday season if there just wasn't so much to do!

And BFG has just become such a diva that I am ready to spit nails. I cannot take much more of the wait-on-me-hand-and-foot-be-at-my-beck-and-call-keep-me-entertained attitude! But we are way, way too busy to institute a change now. There is no way to be consistent. So, here I am gritting my teeth trying to wait out the next 6 weeks. Then, I'm taking her Christmas toys hostage til she acts right. Just kidding. Or not. Hee, hee. I am flipping a switch come January. (Okay, so it will probably be after the Target 75% Christmas sales. We're talking priorities, people. A few more weeks won't hurt her.) Ol' BFG is gonna learn just how privileged she is when she starts losing her privileges and has to earn them.

I really don't know how I got on all this! I was just going to post that I was tired and had taken BFG for her 5 yr. old pictures today. I am so pumped! I can't wait to get the proofs! I think these are going to be really, really good. After all, she only cried once the whole time. And she eventually stopped being mad at the photographer for making her say words that made her smile. Of course, he did not realize her amazing knack for talking without moving her teeth and the ability to keep the fake smile plastered on no matter what she says. What was he thinking? We live in the South. Us Southern girls come out of the birth canal knowing how to do that!

Smiling through my gritted teeth,
Mama Said

Vacuuming Rules

Does anyone else have rules when they vacuum? Or am I weirdo?

I hate vacuuming with a passion and I've found if everyone will just follow my Vacuuming Rules it makes it a wee bit more bearable.

Rule #1: The dog must be outside before the vacuum even comes out from hiding or we get to listen to insane barking.

Rule #2: No one is allowed to run around in front of the vacuum trying to get eaten by the Vacuum Monster.

Rule #3: No one is allowed to jump over the cord while I'm vacuuming. It's annoying and dangerous and I'm already mad enough at the cord getting hung on everything.

Rule #4: Do not talk to me while I'm vacuuming unless someone is bleeding or unconscious. Preferably only if you need 911. It stands to reason that I cannot finish the job if I have to keep stopping and turn everything off to hear what the person is saying and they are usually asking me to do something that I cannot do while vacuuming anyway!

The problem is no one follows my vacuuming rules. (Sigh!) And I end up screaming and mad on top of being hot, sweaty, and tired.

Oh, sometimes Ol' Rhett will vacuum for me, but he has no rules and makes it a huge game in which he and BFG break every single rule getting on my very last nerve.

Can you tell I vacuumed yesterday?
Mama Said

Take The Shot or Not?

I am going nuts trying to decide on flu shots for this year! As soon as I decide one thing, I hear something that suggests we should do something else. I did think we would at least get the seasonal one, but now I'm reading that it is ushering in people getting the swine flu. The swine flu is already rampant in our area so we may get it before the vaccines are released anyway.

Who the heck knows what to do? I'm terrified either way! I don't trust the vaccine, but then I hear about kids and people my age dying right and left. The whole thing is so hyped up on both sides I feel insane!

After reading all the anti-swine flu vaccine stuff, I'm about ready to ditch all vaccinations. Of course, once Obama-care comes in that won't be an option. Actually, in Massachusetts ( I read) that they are trying to pass a bill that makes the swine flu vaccine mandatory! What country are we living in? Not a free one anymore.

Dazed and confused,
Mama Said

Sleep Problems

You might have sleep problems if . . .

• You fall asleep with a puppet over your muzzle.


• You have had mice this summer (get that, mice--as in plural!) and you had the bad experience of hearing them move around at night. So, you lay in bed all night every night for at least the past 6 weeks listening to see if you hear them, worrying if they've chewed up wires and a fire is going to break out, and terrified that one may get on your 4 yr old DD upstairs because of a horrifying experience you had as a child where a mouse got on your mom's head while she was reading you a story.


• On June 12, you caved and got satellite after 15 months of having only 6 channels and it's your first time with DVR and you record everything you have ever thought about wanting to watch and stay up all night watching TV and no matter what time you turn it off, you still lay awake listening for the above mice.


• After you are pretty darn sure all the mice are dead, you have nightmares about hearing or seeing one and it wakes you out of a dead sleep and keeps you awake for at least an hour.


• You have to go to the bathroom multiple times during the night.


• Your husband snores.


• Your DD gets up about 5 nights a week at 4:00 am to tell you she had a bad dream and comes and gets in bed with you while you are secretly wondering if the mice have been scurrying around in her room and that is what really woke her up.


• Every time you move, you wake up because your whole body hurts because your mattress is too darn old but your old house and the needs of the farm keep sucking up any money that could be used to by one.


• Or you have a night like we did last night where I actually, unbelievably fell asleep very easily around 10:30 only to have someone from second shift call for Rhett at 10:50 to tell of a problem on the line at the factory. After listening to Rhett talk about it til 11:30, he decides to go in and make the change on the computer. So, I am then forced to stay up because I'm convinced something terrible is going to happen to him on the drive there and back. While I'm up watching DVR-ed stuff, BFG wakes up at 12:45 am. I go upstairs to her room this time and drift off. Rhett comes home at 1:20 am. I wake up and come downstairs. BFG wakes back up at 4:00 am and I go back upstairs so that Rhett can get some rest. By 6:00 am, I am just miserable with BFG literally sleeping with her head on top of me. I bring her down stairs for us to sleep. At 6:30, Rhett wakes me up while he's leaving for work. At 6:55, somehow the alarm had been magically set (we rarely use an alarm) and goes off and it happens to be on Rhett's side of the bed. I leap over BFG to grab it, shut it off, and sleep til 8:30 with little feet kicking me. And throughout all of this, I seriously went to the bathroom at least 15 times. I don't even know how I had that much in me and think I may now possibly be dehydrated.

I'm starting to look forward to this polyp surgery because I least I can get some awesome, deep, much needed sleep!

Mama Said

Pete and Repeat

Remember ol' Pete and Repeat sitting on that ol' log . . .

I tell you what, this little rhyme describes my life so well . . .

BECAUSE ALL I DO IS REPEAT MYSELF!!!!!!!

For whatever oddball reason, NO ONE can ever HEAR me!

I get so tired of saying the same things over and over and over and over.

And it's anything and everything I say, too.

Like I could say in a nice pleasant, singsong, I'm-a-happy-mommy voice, "The sun is shining today."
BFG: What?
Me (a little louder this time): The sun is shining today.
BFG: What? Someone's coming over to play?
Me (with a few feathers ruffled): NO! The SUN is shining TODAY?
BFG: Huh? I don't understand.
Me (totally losing it after repeating every sentence I utter every single day): THE SUN IS SHINING TODAY! JUST FORGET IT!!! WHY CAN NO ONE EVER HEAR? I AM SO TIRED OF REPEATING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!

Fast forward to while I'm cooking dinner . . .
Rhett (in another room): mumble, mumble, mumble
Me: What?
Rhett: Mumble, Mumble, Mumble
Me: WHAT? Seriously, Rhett, I can't hear you over all this stuff.
Rhett: MUMBLE, MUMBLE, MUMBLE, Just forget it.
Me: Well, I can't help it. I can't HEAR you!

Ironic, huh?
Mama Said

Have I Mentioned How Much I Hate K-Mart?

I probably have written before about how cruddy our K-Mart is and how I have a brain glitch about once every 3 months and go there anyway. I don't know what it is. Something in the ad catches my eye and I get suckered into going. I'm serious, ya'll. Like the wheels on the buggies are missing the rubber. It's just bad.

Well, this week I went for these:

Don't laugh but I recognized them from an infomercial! They claim to tone your body, but that is not why I bought them. I really thought they would be good for my painful feet.

Well, let's just rate my K-Mart experience this way---

Those better be darn good shoes!!!

Our morning started out with BFG wanting to go out for a sausage biscuit, which is kind of weird since we live 15 miles from town and never do this. But I went for it and thought I'll run by K-Mart while I'm in town. I got together a list of a bunch of stuff I've been needing at Wal-Mart and thought I'd knock it all out at once. K-Mart also had their mini blinds on sale. Ya'll, I even measured all 21 windows before we left. This was going to be the shopping trip of all shopping trips!

Obviously, I have zero brain cells left after being a mom for 4 and a half years. What was I thinking? My first mistake was eating a sausage biscuit. I know I have irritable bowel syndrome and I know greasy foods sets me off. Duh!

So there we are looking at the blinds (which they were sold out of alot of the sizes I need. Surprise, surprise!). My gut starts hurting. This is a bigger deal that it seems because, honey, you haven't seen my K-Mart's bathrooms. They have ranked with the nastiest bathrooms in town for about 20 years. So, I kind of start going into a panic. But I had no choice and we took of for the bathrooms. After waiting for the ONE stall to be free, the cramping had stopped and I couldn't go right then.

Back to the mini blinds, whoops! My gut starts hurting again and this time I'm scared we are not going to make it. We are running for the bathrooms. From a distance, we see an older lady go in which throws me into a bigger panic. We wait outside since there is only one stall and all and it's really hot in the bathroom. I am really hurting by this time and seriously have no idea what I was saying because I was like blacking out at thoughts of curling up in a ball on the floor in K-Mart and messing in my pants. But based on past experiences, I was probably saying, "oh, my gosh! What are we gonna do? I cannot believe this! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Anyway, whatever I was saying, BFG said, "Mom, maybe we shouldn't talk about it."

Bless her little bones! I'm sure she was embarrassed. Now, a good mother would have calmed down, given her a little hug, said everything was going to be okay, etc. Not me! I just screamed, "I can't help it! I'm about to poop in my pants! Do you want Mama to poop in her pants?" Poor BFG! Just think of the stories she'll have when she grows up! She already tells everyone about the toy she almost got at Target but Mama had to poop and we had to leave our buggy.

I finally did get to use the bathroom after many other people. If you live in my town, please note that every woman in K-Mart goes to use the restroom at 10:15 am. And the bathrooms weren't as bad as usual. Praise the Lord! I think they had recently spray painted over everything again.

Our trip did not get any better. As usual, K-Mart did not have any of the stuff I had on my list. Just the shoes and some socks for Rhett. We walked aimlessly in circles with me griping the entire time. And apparently I was the only one has a bad time in K-Mart. All the other customers were having the time of their lives. We kept bumping into this family of three that drove me nuts! Dad was pushing the buggy with a little boy in it. Mom would go around the aisle and pop out and say Boo! when Dad and Son turned the corner and they all three laughed merrily. I am not kidding.

Then, about the time I am saying I hate K-Mart, why do I do this, I always get fooled by the ad and come here and they never have anything and BFG was saying, "yeah, it all your fault", here's what was going on with the "perfect" family:

Mom: Honey, do you still have a flyswatter on your list?

Dad: Hunh?

Mom: Did you ever find a flyswatter?

Dad (with excitement building in his voice): No, I didn't.

Mom: Well, we are in the right place! Look! They have just what we need!

Yippy Skippy. So happy for them. It just would have been nice if K-Mart had had the dog food and light bulbs we needed. Ya' know, the things they are supposed to have and that can't be solved with a rolled up newspaper!!!

Mama Said

What's Not To Love About Pippi?

Apparently more than we thought according to the powers that be. Read on for the details . . .

I was so disappointed the other day. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve read Pippi Longstocking out loud to BFG. We had an absolute blast reading it together! It was one of my faves as a child and I think it has become BFG’s as well. She was just thrilled to hear the outrageous stories of the silly girl who pretty much gets to do the opposite of everyone else. When we finally finished it and I kissed BFG good night, she called out to me, “Mama, I sure wish there were other books about Pippi.” I thought there was so I ran down to the computer and began my search.

And I tell ya’ what I found just burned me up!!! There is a new version (2007) of the original Pippi Longstocking and just read the review below that was on my library’s online card catalog. My comments are in blue.

School Library Journal Review
Gr 2 5 This oversize edition of the classic story has much to offer a new generation of readers. It has new full-color illustrations, some full spread, and a new translation. Nunnally updates some of Florence Lamborn's old-fashioned phrases (Um, what’s wrong with old-fashioned? When I was a kid, I was enthralled with old-fashioned books) and makes other terms more politically correct. For example, the original English translation calls Pippi's father a "Cannibal King," while this one calls him a "King of Natives." (When will people quit trying to rewrite history! You can’t go backward and make everything politically correct. And since when is the word “cannibal” politically incorrect? It’s just a joke in the story, people, showing how outrageous Pippi’s stories are and how she really didn’t know what she was talking about. Obviously, if they were really cannibals, they wouldn’t make her dad king. Duh!) In Lamborn's version, Pippi goes for a "morning promenade"; here, she simply goes for a "morning walk." (Oh, yeah, let’s dumb down all the words. We certainly wouldn’t want our kids to expand their vocabulary.) Nunnally's language flows naturally and gives a fresh, modern feel to the line drawings, filled with color and pattern, to create a Pippi who is full of personality. A variety of perspectives, colors, and textures adds movement and excitement to the story. Child often incorporates the text into the art, linking the text and illustration into a single whole. (There is absolutely nothing wrong with the old illustrations! Isn’t it amazing that kids have loved the book for 60 years with the pictures just the way they are. And—Gasp!—they actually get to use their imaginations!) Libraries should consider archiving (or retiring) older editions of this old favorite, and replacing them with this new offering. (Please, say it ain’t so! That is ridiculous! Classics are classics because they are wonderful and perfect the first go around!!!) Donna Cardon, Provo City Library, UT Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. From: Reed Elsevier Inc. Copyright Reed Business Information

Ya’ll, BFG is only 4! Get that—only 4 years old and absolutely loved the original story! I guess I got lucky and picked the old one up. She was exposed to a time that was completely unlike the time she is growing up in where little girls wore only dresses and little kids got to play outside without their parents watching and a three story building was the tallest building in town and all moms stayed at home and had coffee parties. She learned all kinds of new words including promenade because as we went along I taught her the definition. She was glued to my side begging for more even after I’d read 25-30 pages at a time. She had a sparkle in her eyes as she imagined the scenes described. Pippi is now her favorite character. Why would anyone change this?!?!?

Okay, I know I’m really going off about this and it is just a children’s book. But it scares me. It makes me think that within a few more generations we won’t have a true representation of our country’s history and of course it starts with the kids. And our kids in general are already not a smart as past generations. Why would you change the language to keep them from learning and stretching their minds?

Anyway, if you love Pippi like we do, be sure to grab an old version if you can.
Mama Said

Payback

Aaaaagh! I am so sick! I guess this is my payback for nagging Rhett all last weekend while he was sick. Who knew he felt this terrible?


And what's the deal with my mom-guilt? Rhett was sick and let himself just be sick. I'm sick and I keep creating a list of things I can get done while sitting around! Why can't I just lay down and be sick?!?! Why did I paint for 5 hours the first day I was sick? Why does BFG need something every ten minutes when I am sitting down? Why are there so many things that can be done sitting down? Why are there so many things piling up that the thought of having to clean up when I feel better makes me feel even sicker?


Sniffle, sniffle. Cough, cough.
Mama Said

Four

Four Words of Mine:
"I HATE car carts!" (Seriously, they invented these to help mothers grocery shop. Please!)

Four Places We Went After Story Hour:
Pay the water bill, Office Depot, Target, and Kroger (um, only 4 too many)

Four--the number of breakdowns I almost had today

Four--the number of items Kroger was out of that I had coupons for. Ugh! I hate that!

Four--how many hours we visited my parents tonight

Four--the number of Tylenol I need (at least) to dull this crazy toothache that intensified today

Four--how many people I have coming to my stamping class on Saturday that I am totally not prepared for

Four Words From BFG:
"This was an accident!!!" as she holds up her hands in the car on the way home (past her bedtime) and shows me that each finger has been mummified with strands of her chewing gum.

Four--about how many seconds until I drop

My Final Four Words:
"NOT A GOOD DAY!!!"

Ten-4,
Mama Said

My Bah-Humbug Christmas!

Well, between all the mouse po*p and "musical pherafy", I really didn't have much time to post Christmas stuff. But it was probably just as well 'cause I was just one complaint after another. Are you surprised? Yeah, well, me either.

But, really this was a crappy Christmas. It was one of "those" Christmases. You know the ones. Yeah, where nothing is done when it should be, you're running around like a chicken with it's head cut off yet that can somehow miraculously scream at anything, anyone, and any animal that gets in its path. Yeah, that was me. Up late every night trying to cram stuff in even though when you calculate the hours in your head you know there is no possible way to get everything done. The kind of Christmas three years ago I swore I would never have again.

So, here I go again promising myself again that I will not let this happen next year. A nice, normal organized Christmas can be done by me believe it or not. And I much prefer it. But, to be honest, even when it's organized and things are on time and what-not, the whole hoopla still makes me mad.

I just want Christmas to be about celebrating Christ's birth, spending time with family eating food from treasured recipes, and sharing Jesus's love by sharing our wealth and blessings with others. Not all the over-the-top crap we have to do to "DO" Christmas. Not adults buying other adults crappy gifts they either don't want or could afford to go buy themselves. Not all the pushing, shoving, and selfishness at the stores. Not the hurry, hurry, hurry of the season. Not even Santa. Not family fighting over who gets to see who on which day and for how long. All of that part of Christmas is so meaningless. I absolutely abhor the feeling of relief I have on Christmas Day Night. That "whew! I pulled it off. It's over. I made it through another one." I actually crave for Rhett to tell me good job or thanks for pulling off Christmas. That's how I celebrate the birth of my Saviour? It doesn't even make sense. I ache inside to do things differently. But I don't know how to change things without causing a huge family rift. And I really hate to rock the boat when my grandmother is elderly, yet still very with it.

Anyway, it is over for this year and all can do is learn from this experience and move on. So, I share with ya'll what I've learned this Christmas.

• Do NOT take vacation the last week of November and come home in December. It takes a good week to prepare to leave, a week away, and a week to do laundry and unpack. That's 3 weeks of the season gone right there.
• If you even think about taking care of health problems you've been putting off, July is too late to start. You might as well start in January to be sure you will be done by Christmas.
• If you see a mouse in your house before you leave for the aforementioned vacation, bomb the house with poison when you are gone so that when you get back you are not too scared to be up alone after dark and you won't be cleaning mouse po*p out of your kitchen the Sat. before Christmas.
• Don't bother to spend the whole month of December telling your child the truth about Santa. 'Cause ya'll know her cousins are way smarter than you and will unravel everything you've taught in a couple of hours on Christmas eve. Oh, well. At least we can always say we never lied to her.
• If your child's birthday is in November, do NOT have her party in December. Dumb-da-dumb-dumb!
• When Amazon says "order now and have item tomorrow by noon", um . . . I don't think it means the free super saver shipping esp. since it showed up 10 days later instead of 2.
• If you are asked to bring a dish you've never made before to your in-laws, just go get your recipe off of http://www.allrecipes.com/ If 657 people say the recipe is good, it is. If 5 people say it is, don't chance it.
• And finally . . . whatever you do (if you don't do it already), you should add celebrating the Advent to your Christmas traditions. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just done to turn the focus on the Lord. We had the Advent candles and no wreath and the Jesse Tree symbols and no tree to put them on. And ya' know what? It still worked. BFG looked forward to our advent devotional every night. And Christmas Day morning, the first thing she wanted to do was to do our last devotional and put Baby Jesus in the manger of our nativity. She wanted to do that on her own without one word of asking to see her presents. And, bless her heart, it was cloudy on Christmas eve and she cried because she thought it was her only chance to see the star of Bethlehem and she was gonna miss it. So, maybe, just maybe, through all the chaos, we did something right this Christmas. (Well, does it still count if I spent the majority of each day in December screaming at her to leave me alone 'cause I had to get stuff done? I really hope so.)

Happy Blessed New Year, Ya'll!

Mama Said