Works For Me Wednesday: Cut Down on Stair Climbing!

I get so sick of running up and down the stairs! You'd think I would be skinny-minny as much as I run up and down and up and down! I've always said I wish, I wish with all my might that I could just keep BFG's clothes downstairs esp. since she won't go upstairs by herself. Aaaaagh!

Another frustrating point in my life is when Rhett is "helping" me by giving BFG her bath, but always comes to me and asks, "Where's her pajamas?" which translates into me having to stop what I am doing and run up the stairs and get her stuff together to give him to have him help me. Can you see why I'm sick of this? It doesn't even make sense!

So, when we redid our bathroom and I was wondering what oh what to put in the vanity drawers, the Lord blessed me with a great idea! I decided to put BFG's pajamas, socks, and undies in one of the bathroom vanity drawers.

It works out perfect! Rhett has everything he needs for bath time. If undies need to be changed during the day, there they are--right downstairs where we need them! And there is no "whoops, I forgot your socks" and running upstairs when trying to leave when we are already running late! Or if socks get wet in the creek--Voila! All solved!

Works for me,

Mama Said

Publix Is Getting Just A Wee Bit Embarrassing!

I'm starting to get just a little embarrassed going to Publix.

We go once a week . . . sometimes twice . . .

Everyone knows us. Okay, all the people who pass out samples know us.

Which is kind of the embarrassing part.

And no matter how hard I try to not go at lunch when they put out the samples, that's when I end up there. And, of course, we haven't eaten lunch so we're scarfing down the samples. I just know it looks like I take her there for her lunch just like my dad used to do with us at Sam's.

We were a mess when we went in today! We had gotten cups of fake dippin' dots at the grocery outlet for 10 cents each and had eaten them face first in the car. BFG nose and cheeks were brown and sticky. It kind of looked like dirt though. So, who knows what we looked like!

We go straight for her free cookie from the same woman who always gives it to her week after week. We dive into some chocolate eclair cake samples and were literally licking the little cups until I got chocolate on my nose and chin. We finished up our rounds with BFG hollering out, "Mom, did we hit the jackpot?" and "More food! More food!"

Hmmm . . . maybe we should lay low for awhile.
Mama Said

At What Point . . .

. . .do you deem it one of those days?

Is it during your morning prayer time when you sneeze while your head is bent over your prayer journal and you end up pulling a muscle that runs from your head down your neck to the middle of your back and it hurts to move the rest of the day?

Is it when you are doing laundry and you look up to see the termite guys you were not expecting at all OR when you look down and remember you put on a pink bra under a white flowered shirt with the plans to change it later before you went to town?

Is it when your dog digs up your plant and drags and chews it up all over the house while you were taking a bath and you knew you shouldn't have left him unattended but after all he's a teenager now and has just been barking for more freedom?

Is it when you paper cut yourself on 5 sheets of thin card stock and are pouring blood everywhere and it's your second paper cut in less than 48 hours on the same hand making you look a tad bit silly with two bandaged up fingertips and making you even more crazy-paranoid about a staph infection because your daughter has impetigo on her bum?

Or how about this . . .
Is it when you go to the library for the Summer Reading Program puppet show and somehow end up scoring a dog house for $20 and suddenly it seems to be one of those days!!! (Of course, you have to keep reminding yourself of your blessing as you go to pick it up in 95 degree weather in your brother-in-law's truck that has no A/C. But still . . .)

Having one of those days,
Mama Said

Do I Get a Prize For This?

Seriously, there should be a Playhut Olympics! It only took me 20 minutes and one broken fingernail to get this thing folded up and that's the fastest we've ever done it! And who needs to exercise when you've got one of these things around? I was sweating, sprawled all over the floor, and using every muscle in my body. Every time I would think that I almost had it, I would leap on it and hold on with all my strength just to have it pop back up in my face and throw me to the floor. But I did it! I'm really proud. Can you tell? After all, the thing is taller than me. And the Christmas my dad gave this tent to BFG, Rhett, my dad, and me all three together couldn't get it folded back up. In fact, the tent even popped up and hurt my dad in a private place. LOL! So I'm waiting for my prize. Even a congratulations would suffice.

And after folding this mumbo jumbo thing, I managed to vacuum the playroom and only vacuumed up one tiny Barbie fork! That was something in itself, too. Really, did you ever consider the feats you would have to accomplish when you were pregnant with your darlings? This stuff should be included in pregnancy classes. I think there could even be a game show with contests in stuff like cooking supper, answering the phone, and breastfeeding a baby all the same time. Or who can grocery shop with two buggies and three kids the fastest or something. My friend would definitely win that!

Of course, whoever gives me my prize for my accomplishments this week will have to ignore the unvacuumed downstairs, the unmopped kitchen, those towels I never got around to folding, the menu I never quite finished filling out, and the piles of boxes I still haven't unpacked. But, hey, at least the tent is down and we are only down one Barbie fork. That's pretty darn good for me this week.
Mama Said

Not Me! Monday

Wow! This was NOT one of those weeks! NOTHING happened at all! NEVER does around here. So much stuff did NOT happen that this post is incredibly SHORT!


To start off with, I did NOT get all this bread for free! A nearby community does NOT have a big box of day old bread free for the taking every Friday. There was NOT some exceptionally good bread this time. I was NOT greedy at all! NOT me! I did not have so much bread my hands were cramping. In fact, I did NOT have so much bread that I was dropping it on the road as we crossed the street back to our car. I was NOT stuck in the middle of the road laughing so hard that I could NOT pick up the bread without dropping more. Whatever! Who eats bread anyway?


Rhett was NOT making copies at the Register of Deeds for research on the house and the copier did NOT start burning somehow on the inside. And did NOT start putting out copies that were burnt black and brown. And the worker was NOT super calm about it and did NOT say this was an every day occurrence and a new copier was NOT in the budget for 2011. Rhett did NOT tell the lady she had two choices: to either fix it or burn the place down.


My mom was NOT test driving vehicles. She was NOT looking at a Nissan Quest and she did NOT open one of the side doors which did NOT turn out to be an electric door. My mom was NOT unable to let go of the handle and the door did NOT drag her down the side of the van. Who does that? NOT someone I'm related to. That's for SURE!


I am NOT really ashamed of this next one:

BFG and I were NOT in Publix this week. Of course, we were NOT eating samples! We NEVER go to Publix for our lunch or anything either. Publix did NOT have samples of their fresh cherries out. And I did NOT keep going back because they were NOT so delicious and were NOT too expensive for me to buy. And I did NOT eat one more than I let BFG have. When she questioned why she did not get as many as me, I absolutely did NOT reply "because I'm bigger" because the truth was NOT that I was greedy and really, really liked those cherries!


One afternoon, BFG and I did NOT have to meet Rhett at my parents' house. We did NOT grab our jackets on the way out because it was so NOT cold! NO way! NOT in June! We did NOT get a little ways down the road when BFG did NOT say, "Mom, you have an ant on your jacket. No, wait! It's a spider!" I absolutely NO way, NO how, did NOT freak out. I was NOT having a minor panic attack and screaming, "Is it or not? Where is it? WHERE IS IT?!?!?!?" I did NOT terrify BFG who was on the verge of tears and screaming, "I don't know, I don't know! I can't see it anymore!" I was NOT so unable to function that I had to pull off the road. And, since this never happened, I did NOT pull into someone's driveway, jump out of the car, and whip off my jacket (which, in fact, did NOT have a little spider on it). While I'm NOT doing all this, the owners did NOT pull up in their driveway. It was NOT two young men in a pick-up truck either. I did NOT get very embarrassed and say, "Oh, hi! Sorry!" And these nice young men did NOT ask me if I was all right. I mean, come on, why would they? And I did NOT say, "Oh, I'm fine. My daughter just said there was a spider on the back of my jacket." with a huge smile on my face. (I am NOT still wondering why I didn't just tell them there was a spider instead of saying it like BFG made it up or something and I'd pulled over for nothing.) Of course, their was reply was NOT to ask if I needed any help. I did NOT continue talking in the incredibly cheezy, used-car-salesman voice, "Oh, no! Got it! Thanks!" Thankfully, they did NOT drive on down to the house and I did NOT do my impression of Speedy Gonzalez trying to get away from that embarrassing situation. I'm sure I'll NEVER see them again since once my panic attack was over I did NOT realize they are only like five houses down from us.

My sister and I did NOT take the three kids to yard sales on Friday. Whatever! We would NEVER shirk our housework for a day of wheelin' and dealin'. That is just so NOT us! We did NOT walk up to one yard sale and see these awesome adult bikes! All five of us were NOT oohing and aahing over these bikes and making big plans for if we bought them. We did NOT spend so long at that yard sale that we forgot about the bikes. We did NOT go a few streets over to another yard sale and see the same bikes. I did NOT scream out as we pulled up, "Those bikes were not for sale!" My sister and I did NOT get tickled and spend the next 5 or 10 minutes laughing hysterically in the van. And we were NOT embarrassed at all to get out and face the girls who owned the bikes.


While we were yard sale-ing, the kids did NOT buy anything which is NOT the reason each yard sale took much longer than necessary. At one, my nephew did NOT tell the lady that he was 9 years old and a Christian and that they were looking for a church. The lady in turn did NOT get into a long discussion about church with my sister. My niece was NOT buying a stuffed Siberian husky dog from this lady. The nice Christian lady did NOT ask my niece what she was going to name the toy. My niece did NOT reply that she was going to name it "Demon". The lady's face did NOT show her shock whatsoever. My sister did NOT praise the Lord that she remembered that name came from the movie Snow Dogs. And she did NOT try to do a quick cover, "Oh, did you get that name from the movie Snow Dogs?" Despite my sister's admitted embarrassment, I got the impression the lady did NOT regret inviting them to her church one bit! But at least, at the end, my nephew did NOT give the lady a 7 cent tip!

Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said

Have I Mentioned How Much I Hate K-Mart?

I probably have written before about how cruddy our K-Mart is and how I have a brain glitch about once every 3 months and go there anyway. I don't know what it is. Something in the ad catches my eye and I get suckered into going. I'm serious, ya'll. Like the wheels on the buggies are missing the rubber. It's just bad.

Well, this week I went for these:

Don't laugh but I recognized them from an infomercial! They claim to tone your body, but that is not why I bought them. I really thought they would be good for my painful feet.

Well, let's just rate my K-Mart experience this way---

Those better be darn good shoes!!!

Our morning started out with BFG wanting to go out for a sausage biscuit, which is kind of weird since we live 15 miles from town and never do this. But I went for it and thought I'll run by K-Mart while I'm in town. I got together a list of a bunch of stuff I've been needing at Wal-Mart and thought I'd knock it all out at once. K-Mart also had their mini blinds on sale. Ya'll, I even measured all 21 windows before we left. This was going to be the shopping trip of all shopping trips!

Obviously, I have zero brain cells left after being a mom for 4 and a half years. What was I thinking? My first mistake was eating a sausage biscuit. I know I have irritable bowel syndrome and I know greasy foods sets me off. Duh!

So there we are looking at the blinds (which they were sold out of alot of the sizes I need. Surprise, surprise!). My gut starts hurting. This is a bigger deal that it seems because, honey, you haven't seen my K-Mart's bathrooms. They have ranked with the nastiest bathrooms in town for about 20 years. So, I kind of start going into a panic. But I had no choice and we took of for the bathrooms. After waiting for the ONE stall to be free, the cramping had stopped and I couldn't go right then.

Back to the mini blinds, whoops! My gut starts hurting again and this time I'm scared we are not going to make it. We are running for the bathrooms. From a distance, we see an older lady go in which throws me into a bigger panic. We wait outside since there is only one stall and all and it's really hot in the bathroom. I am really hurting by this time and seriously have no idea what I was saying because I was like blacking out at thoughts of curling up in a ball on the floor in K-Mart and messing in my pants. But based on past experiences, I was probably saying, "oh, my gosh! What are we gonna do? I cannot believe this! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!" Anyway, whatever I was saying, BFG said, "Mom, maybe we shouldn't talk about it."

Bless her little bones! I'm sure she was embarrassed. Now, a good mother would have calmed down, given her a little hug, said everything was going to be okay, etc. Not me! I just screamed, "I can't help it! I'm about to poop in my pants! Do you want Mama to poop in her pants?" Poor BFG! Just think of the stories she'll have when she grows up! She already tells everyone about the toy she almost got at Target but Mama had to poop and we had to leave our buggy.

I finally did get to use the bathroom after many other people. If you live in my town, please note that every woman in K-Mart goes to use the restroom at 10:15 am. And the bathrooms weren't as bad as usual. Praise the Lord! I think they had recently spray painted over everything again.

Our trip did not get any better. As usual, K-Mart did not have any of the stuff I had on my list. Just the shoes and some socks for Rhett. We walked aimlessly in circles with me griping the entire time. And apparently I was the only one has a bad time in K-Mart. All the other customers were having the time of their lives. We kept bumping into this family of three that drove me nuts! Dad was pushing the buggy with a little boy in it. Mom would go around the aisle and pop out and say Boo! when Dad and Son turned the corner and they all three laughed merrily. I am not kidding.

Then, about the time I am saying I hate K-Mart, why do I do this, I always get fooled by the ad and come here and they never have anything and BFG was saying, "yeah, it all your fault", here's what was going on with the "perfect" family:

Mom: Honey, do you still have a flyswatter on your list?

Dad: Hunh?

Mom: Did you ever find a flyswatter?

Dad (with excitement building in his voice): No, I didn't.

Mom: Well, we are in the right place! Look! They have just what we need!

Yippy Skippy. So happy for them. It just would have been nice if K-Mart had had the dog food and light bulbs we needed. Ya' know, the things they are supposed to have and that can't be solved with a rolled up newspaper!!!

Mama Said

Do I Even Know Rhett?

After 6 and a half years of marriage, I am realizing how little I know about Rhett. This is a little upsetting especially since I'm always accusing him of never paying attention to my wants and needs. But over the past few weeks, it seems . . . uh-hem . . . I've been the one overlooking him all these years.

For example, few weeks ago we had hot dogs and I fixed Rhett's plate. He came over to get it and kind of chuckled.
Me: What is it?
Rhett: It's nothing.
Me: No, really, what is it? You better tell me!!!
Rhett: Well, I was just laughing because I guess you forgot that I don't ever eat ketchup.
Me: What? You don't eat ketchup!!!
Okay, so I vaguely knew he didn't eat it on fries, but I never knew he didn't eat it on anything! Boy, he sure has hidden that well.

Then, I bought some chocolate chip mint ice cream, one of my faves from my childhood. And I thought from his childhood, too.
Me: Guess what!!! I got chocolate chip mint ice cream! I can't wait to eat it!
Rhett: Hmm . . .
Me: What?
Rhett: Nothing, I just don't like mint stuff.
Whoops!

Finally, last night at Publix, BFG and I picked out 3 gallons of Blue Bell ice cream because it was on sale. We picked Key Lime Pie flavor for Rhett because I do know Key Lime pie is his favorite dessert. We get home and BFG runs to Rhett to tell him.
BFG: Daddy, Daddy! We got your favorite ice cream for you!
Rhett: Really? You got Rocky Road?
Me: What!?!?! Rocky Road? Since when have you liked Rocky Road, I thought vanilla was your favorite!
Rhett: I like vanilla, but Rocky Road has always been my favorite.
Are you kidding me? Seriously. I have never seen the boy eat Rocky Road ice cream. Ever!

So, now I'm left wondering, do I even know my husband? Isn't that rather self-absorbed of me to have never noticed these details about him or even asked him his favorite ice cream flavor? Or maybe I should look at in an exciting way like Look at all there is to still discover about him after 6 and a half years! No telling what I'll find out when we're 70!

The admirable thing is that he has never once complained about any of this. Never said anything. Never even asked for some dad-gum Rocky Road ice cream. If it was the other way around, I would be screaming, pouting, crying and just plain devastated that he didn't know me. It is amazing how different we are emotionally. Um . . . okay maybe I need to work on my end a little bit.

Mama Said

Not Me! Monday

First of all, I have to share one of my friend's Not Me!. She doesn't blog and I'm telling ya' the world deserves to hear this story. My friend did NOT take her cat to the vet to have an eye infection treated and did NOT decide to have him neutered while he was there. In surgery, the vet did NOT flip the cat over to NOT find that he had already been neutered! No way! Who takes their already neutered cat in to be neutered? NOT my friend! After all, she did NOT inherit the cat from her sister. And her sister had NOT been pestering her for months to have it done because she had NOT signed paperwork at the shelter saying she would.

On a more somber note, Rhett and I have NOT been visiting a new church. And it was NOT getting to crunch time for us to decide whether to go to the next level and start Sunday School and stuff there. So, we did NOT go yesterday to hear just one more sermon to make our decision. And, by golly, the preacher did NOT resign yesterday! Are you kidding me? I mean we've NEVER heard a preacher resign before. NOT at all! In fact, it has NOT happened so much that every church in town is begging with open arms for us to start attending their church. A little black cloud does NOT follow us, I promise!

And the resignation did NOT cause the whole congregation to burst into tears. And Rhett did NOT echo my thoughts be leaning over and whispering, "Now's our brother-in-law's chance!" (He is a preacher currently without a church.) Of course, I did NOT burst into a cheesy grin while everyone around me was crying! Whatever! That is so rude! When we were dismissed, Rhett did NOT whisper "Run for the door!" because we both knew everyone would be crying and talking forever as they shook the preacher's hand. His comment did NOT make me laugh inside even harder and I did NOT shake that poor man's hand while laughing. I did NOT! My Southern manners are MUCH more genteel than that!

And when we got home from church, a fire truck did NOT roll up in front of our house with the lights flashing! I did NOT have a moment of panic thinking our house was on fire and we didn't know it! A fireman did NOT get out, run into the yard between mine and my sis's house, and run back to the truck yelling "No smell! No sign!" and take off. Whatever! That just does NOT happen! I mean, you would think someone called 911 on our house or something.

Finally, one of my fears did NOT come true this weekend. When our collie puppy Rocky was playing with my sister's yellow lab Honey, he did NOT get tangled up in Honey's cable. Seriously, the cable was NOT tangled up around his abdomen and his back legs. And Honey was NOT dragging him around the yard with Rocky crying in pain. And, since I am NOT scared of Honey in the least, I did NOT scream for Rhett, who was NOT across the road talking to the paranoid neighbor that I think may have called the fire dept. on us. Seeing how I was NOT screaming and almost crying, BFG did NOT start crying her eyes out and screaming for her daddy. Rhett was NOT taking his sweet time and BFG and I were NOT screaming louder "Hurry, hurry!" And when Rhett got almost to us, I did NOT panic and just reach down and unhook Honey's cable. This was NOT a problem at all since Honey is NOT wild and huge. Needless to say, Rhett was NOT a bit frustrated with me especially after chasing Honey for 15 minutes trying to get her back on her cable. Hee hee!

Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said