Not Me! Monday

Wow! This was NOT one of those weeks! NOTHING happened at all! NEVER does around here. So much stuff did NOT happen that this post is incredibly SHORT!


To start off with, I did NOT get all this bread for free! A nearby community does NOT have a big box of day old bread free for the taking every Friday. There was NOT some exceptionally good bread this time. I was NOT greedy at all! NOT me! I did not have so much bread my hands were cramping. In fact, I did NOT have so much bread that I was dropping it on the road as we crossed the street back to our car. I was NOT stuck in the middle of the road laughing so hard that I could NOT pick up the bread without dropping more. Whatever! Who eats bread anyway?


Rhett was NOT making copies at the Register of Deeds for research on the house and the copier did NOT start burning somehow on the inside. And did NOT start putting out copies that were burnt black and brown. And the worker was NOT super calm about it and did NOT say this was an every day occurrence and a new copier was NOT in the budget for 2011. Rhett did NOT tell the lady she had two choices: to either fix it or burn the place down.


My mom was NOT test driving vehicles. She was NOT looking at a Nissan Quest and she did NOT open one of the side doors which did NOT turn out to be an electric door. My mom was NOT unable to let go of the handle and the door did NOT drag her down the side of the van. Who does that? NOT someone I'm related to. That's for SURE!


I am NOT really ashamed of this next one:

BFG and I were NOT in Publix this week. Of course, we were NOT eating samples! We NEVER go to Publix for our lunch or anything either. Publix did NOT have samples of their fresh cherries out. And I did NOT keep going back because they were NOT so delicious and were NOT too expensive for me to buy. And I did NOT eat one more than I let BFG have. When she questioned why she did not get as many as me, I absolutely did NOT reply "because I'm bigger" because the truth was NOT that I was greedy and really, really liked those cherries!


One afternoon, BFG and I did NOT have to meet Rhett at my parents' house. We did NOT grab our jackets on the way out because it was so NOT cold! NO way! NOT in June! We did NOT get a little ways down the road when BFG did NOT say, "Mom, you have an ant on your jacket. No, wait! It's a spider!" I absolutely NO way, NO how, did NOT freak out. I was NOT having a minor panic attack and screaming, "Is it or not? Where is it? WHERE IS IT?!?!?!?" I did NOT terrify BFG who was on the verge of tears and screaming, "I don't know, I don't know! I can't see it anymore!" I was NOT so unable to function that I had to pull off the road. And, since this never happened, I did NOT pull into someone's driveway, jump out of the car, and whip off my jacket (which, in fact, did NOT have a little spider on it). While I'm NOT doing all this, the owners did NOT pull up in their driveway. It was NOT two young men in a pick-up truck either. I did NOT get very embarrassed and say, "Oh, hi! Sorry!" And these nice young men did NOT ask me if I was all right. I mean, come on, why would they? And I did NOT say, "Oh, I'm fine. My daughter just said there was a spider on the back of my jacket." with a huge smile on my face. (I am NOT still wondering why I didn't just tell them there was a spider instead of saying it like BFG made it up or something and I'd pulled over for nothing.) Of course, their was reply was NOT to ask if I needed any help. I did NOT continue talking in the incredibly cheezy, used-car-salesman voice, "Oh, no! Got it! Thanks!" Thankfully, they did NOT drive on down to the house and I did NOT do my impression of Speedy Gonzalez trying to get away from that embarrassing situation. I'm sure I'll NEVER see them again since once my panic attack was over I did NOT realize they are only like five houses down from us.

My sister and I did NOT take the three kids to yard sales on Friday. Whatever! We would NEVER shirk our housework for a day of wheelin' and dealin'. That is just so NOT us! We did NOT walk up to one yard sale and see these awesome adult bikes! All five of us were NOT oohing and aahing over these bikes and making big plans for if we bought them. We did NOT spend so long at that yard sale that we forgot about the bikes. We did NOT go a few streets over to another yard sale and see the same bikes. I did NOT scream out as we pulled up, "Those bikes were not for sale!" My sister and I did NOT get tickled and spend the next 5 or 10 minutes laughing hysterically in the van. And we were NOT embarrassed at all to get out and face the girls who owned the bikes.


While we were yard sale-ing, the kids did NOT buy anything which is NOT the reason each yard sale took much longer than necessary. At one, my nephew did NOT tell the lady that he was 9 years old and a Christian and that they were looking for a church. The lady in turn did NOT get into a long discussion about church with my sister. My niece was NOT buying a stuffed Siberian husky dog from this lady. The nice Christian lady did NOT ask my niece what she was going to name the toy. My niece did NOT reply that she was going to name it "Demon". The lady's face did NOT show her shock whatsoever. My sister did NOT praise the Lord that she remembered that name came from the movie Snow Dogs. And she did NOT try to do a quick cover, "Oh, did you get that name from the movie Snow Dogs?" Despite my sister's admitted embarrassment, I got the impression the lady did NOT regret inviting them to her church one bit! But at least, at the end, my nephew did NOT give the lady a 7 cent tip!

Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said