Not Me! Monday

I had a totally Not Me! weekend. It was so NOT bad that I can't even remember the rest of my week.

For starters, I did NOT send BFG off to my parents with her cousins to spend the night so we could have some peace while painting the foyer. I would NEVER do that because painting is SO much easier with your child running around helping. And, when I went to pick her up, BFG was NOT sick and had NOT been suffering from a fever and headache for two days. What kind of mother doesn't realize her child is sick for goodness sake!

And we did NOT prop her up with Tylenol and a bunch of movies the next day so we could finish painting. A sick child in my home ALWAYS get the equivalent of hospital care. Besides, that would mean that our one-day project did NOT turn into a two-day project because that has NOT happened with every project I've tackled in this house.

Oh, and how Rhett LOVES to paint! Taping and trimming are his absolute FAVORITE past times. Who wouldn't enjoy it? Especially those of us who have NOT been painting the inside of this old house for a year. And I have to say the second day of painting was NOT stressful at all. Rhett and I were NOT on each others nerves one little bit.

I absolutely did NOT, NO WAY position the ladder in a doorway and I did NOT climb up it full speed only to NOT hit my head on the top of the doorway. Come on! I'm an EXPERIENCED painter and would never do that. And it did NOT hurt at all. So, I did NOT burst into tears and I did NOT sob like a baby and I did NOT scream for Rhett to stop looking at me and leave me alone. And for the next 30 minutes, I did NOT start bawling and laughing a hysterical laugh every time I thought about it, which did NOT further prove to Rhett that he did NOT indeed marry a crazy woman. Oh, and I did NOT end up with a very sore lump on my head.

Now, our evening that followed was NOT ugly at all. Especially since both of us were NOT tired and NOT ill and I had totally NOT let BFG skip her nap that day. Oh, and we had eaten ALL day long and were NOT hungry in the least.

BFG did NOT spend 30 minutes screaming and bawling about wanting to sleep on the couch last night. She would NEVER throw a fit like that! And she would NEVER take her tantrum back and forth between us trying to get one of us to give. And I was NOT in the bath during this 30 minutes and was NOT interrupted at all. I did NOT scream at her that this was exactly why she had better not ever ask to skip her nap again either.

And when I got out of the bath, I did NOT whine to Rhett "Do you know what this (the tantrum) means? I'll never get her bath done!" And Rhett did NOT proceed to turn to BFG and say, "You can sleep on the couch if you take your bath." I did NOT stand there frozen in shock and anger because I had NOT been looking forward to a little time by myself to read the paper and watch Desperate Housewives. And I did NOT say "How could you do this to me?!?!" as if my very life was over. And BFG did NOT come to me and say, "Well, Daddy's the boss and he said I can sleep on the couch!" and skip happily away.

I did NOT handle the whole incident immaturely at all. I did NOT stomp my feet and did NOT slam a few doors. That would set such a horrible example to BFG which I NEVER do. Oh, and I was so NOT mad that I did NOT argue with Rhett when he tried to unload the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. I was NOT irrational at all while screaming that he'd better not unload the dishwasher. I mean, what wife would scream at her husband not to help. That's insane.

By the way, I do NOT have PMS. Are you kidding me?
Mama Said