Roast Beef Rant

Okay, I've got a little rant this morning. Oh, wait! It's already afternoon!
Well, my morning started out at about 7:00 with a sweet little yell for me from upstairs. And the ONLY time I hear this little yell is when DD has wet the bed. Yippee. So, I drug myself out of a dream and trudged upstairs to get her, clean her up, and strip the bed. Just the thoughts of dealing with washing all her covers, which takes up my entire day, wore me out so bad, I just dumped her bedding at the end of the stairs and took her back into my bed with me. We both fell back asleep after I laid there an hour or so listening to the chickens trying to fly straight up out of their box. I'm terrified they are going to manage to do this while DH and my BIL are at work. Anyway, we rolled out of bed the second time at about 9:45. Pathetic, I know. And I realized, oh crap! I need to get the roast in the crock pot.
So, let's just talk about a roast. First of all, it takes me a good two weeks or so to remember to thaw it out so I can actually fix it. Then, I guess I have delusions of grandeur that I am going to get up with the sunrise and go Betty Crocker on it and have a perfect, simmering roast that gets to cook on low like the recipe says to showcase to my DH as he walks in the door from work at 4:30. Reality is I always oversleep or get busy and forget that I'm supposed to fix it at all. Then, I remember it about 11:00 or so where I barely, barely have enough time to get it in so it can cook on high and barely make it to being done by 6:00. (Okay, so a few times it's been like 7:30.) In this process, I'm running around, stressed out, screaming at DD "Not now, I've got to get this roast in the crock pot!!!!. Can't you find something to do for 10 minutes?" (If you don't have kids yet, don't worry. You will yell this at your children at some point about something. I promise.) and trying to rush and making a much bigger mess than necessary.
So, here's my rant. (You thought I was done, didn't you?) I want to know how the heck you are supposed to cook without grease popping up and burning you? And not just the roast, but everything. I have never seen anyone on Food Network have grease popping out and never heard them cry out in pain as they are getting burned. Plus, all the recipes are just so calm about it "Brown your meat on all sides in hot oil to sear it." It needs to say, "Cover your kitchen floor with newspapers 'cause your gonna have grease all over it. Put on a biohazard suit, mask included and invest in extra long-handled utensils, and still plan on about 20 minutes worth of clean-up when your done browning your meat." Maybe it's just me. If anyone knows the secret, puh-lease let me know. Because I stand there trying to get all 500 sides of the roast seared by turning it with a meat fork and a spatula, which does not work well at all, let me tell ya' and I'm screaming as the hot grease keeps popping up and burning every exposed part of my body. There just has to be a better way.
Rant #2: Why the heck do you have to add beef bouillon or beef stock to anything beef you cook? This just makes no sense to me. Why wouldn't the beef I'm cooking create beef stock? It's beef and it's cooking in water. Hello? I just can't imagine 100 years ago our ancestors using bouillon cubes or a can of beef stock to cook a roast. There has to be a way to cook it without. Come on.
So, after all that and feeling like a failure as wife and mother, me and DD ate breakfast at 11:50. But don't worry. She hadn't starved. I had already let her eat her big chocolate bunny from Easter earlier, further proving my ineptitude at being a mother. LOL!

Have a good day, y'all!
Mama Said