Not Me! Monday

First of all, I absolutely did NOT get fertility advice from the Publix worker who was passing out steak samples. And the worker was NOT a guy! Whatever! Who discusses their infertility with the sample-giver-outer much less a strange man? Not me! And it did NOT creep me out in the least!

Speaking of infertility, I did NOT have my first visit with the reproductive endocrinologist. I did NOT go thinking that a consult visit would consist of me and the doc talking in his office. So, I was NOT shocked to realize I had to do a full-fledged exam (if ya' DON'T know what I mean). The whole thing of even going to a fertility doctor is NOT so emotional I was almost in tears while waiting in my backwards gown in a darkened room waiting to be looked up one side and down the other. I also did NOT notice a jar of cond*ms on the counter of the room. I did NOT wonder what they could possibly be for and I absolutely did NOT find out. 'Cause there is NO WAY I had some funky wand-type ultrasound thingy done. Whatever! NONE of this even happened! I just sat FULLY CLOTHED in a plush doctor's office talking with the doc! Oh and the doc did NOT tell me I had to cut back on my coffee!!! And if he did, I would RUSH to comply. 'Cause I am so NOT addicted to coffee. Who needs it anyway? Not me!

We did NOT go to a hippie burrito joint this weekend. While we were there, I did NOT notice a little display section where people sculpt things out of their foil wrappers from their burritos. I did NOT ask Rhett to sculpt something to put up there. I was NOT really excited when he said he would. All of the other sculptures were NOT of cute animals and cars and stuff. So of all the things in the world that could be sculpted, Rhett did NOT choose to sculpt a gun. No way! And BFG was NOT thrilled and did NOT think the gun was for her. And I did NOT give it to her because of course, I wanted to put it on display with all the hippie animal sculptures since hippies are ALL ABOUT guns and stuff. Since it did NOT become BFG's, when she got up for a drink refill these words absolutely did NOT come out of my mouth very loudly twice: "Leave your gun on the table". Oh, please. That would alert the whole restaurant to the fact we were being the world's BEST parents. Ya' know, cause the general public does NOT believe kids playing with toy guns is wrong or anything.

Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said