It's All In The Little Things . . .

It hit me today that when I look at the overall "big" things in our life, I really think we're doing okay and we're certainly blessed.

But it's all the little things that get to me and make me feel like a loser . . .

Oh, you know, like when you take your 5 yr. old to the dentist to have her first two cavities filled. You already feel like a loser because you feed your kid candy all the time and she has cavities and for some really dumb reason you had put a 4 1/2 yr. old in charge of brushing her own teeth. But then you show up late in the cold rainy weather with her hair still wet from her bath because you let her stay in the bath too long because you were jabbing on the phone and it was slow-going getting ready because you are tripping over boxes and boxes of Christmas stuff that have yet to be opened after four days of sitting around.

Then, you explain to the dental assistant how nervous BFG is and how she's sensitive to loud noises and you cram ear plugs in her little ears that you bought especially for this (although they will come in handy in defense to Rhett's snoring). It's at that moment you know you are being the overbearing mom just like the ones you hated when you were a teacher and you strive so hard not to be.

And a little too late you realize, she is getting all numbed up right at lunch time and the dentist tells you that she cannot eat anything for awhile. That would be no big deal except he asks you straight up if she's had lunch yet, which of course she hasn't but she should have since most little kids do eat before noon. So, your southern cover-up instincts kick in and you smoothly say, "Oh, she had a late breakfast." And the moment that slips out, you realize you have no idea if she had a late breakfast or not. Who knows what time you fed her? You can't even remember what you fed her. But you did feed her breakfast, right? Whew. Okay, I did do that. Score one for me.

And that was just one hour of my day,
Mama Said

Does It Get Any Better Than This?

Aaaaah! I'm finally five! There's no stopping me now. World, look out! This big girl is on her way! And what better way to kick it off than with a Rainbow Brite birthday party surrounded by my family. It's perfect! I even told Mama it was better than last year when we went to Disney on my birthday.

And check out our rainbow drinks! How cool is that! Don't I just have the best mama ever? Who else would spend a fortune on ebay to relive her childhood through me?

The perfect party left us all pooped! But at least the house is clean.

Thanks, Mama!

Love ,

BFG

(And that stands for Big Farm Girl now. Got it, Mom?)

What The Heck?!?!?!

Ya'll will not believe this . . .

I freakin' started this morning! On Day 21!!! And I'm not talking about spotting. I'm talking the flood gates were released. There is no question that I started and am not pregnant. I am just in total shock. Totally not expecting this today. I just had IUI last Wednesday! How did this happen? Plus, I don't think I even ovulated during the IUI time. My right ovary (where the eggs were this time and the one with the cyst) was hurting like ovulation pains on Saturday. So, how the heck did I start today? I am so confused and I feel like calling the clinic and being like I want my money back! I'm not surprised that I'm not pregnant. Just floored that I started so early. It's like we didn't even have a chance.

To me, this is a reminder that God is in control of this. No matter how well the hormones, shots, and IUI are timed, God has His own plan and He doesn't work under OUR restrictions. It also really, really makes me and Rhett think that we will not try IUI again after the polyp surgery. I feel like my body is so out of whack now after all the medications, how can this even be timed anyway? With no meds, my cycle works like clockwork. Why am I messing with that? Seriously, we have God on our side which gives us the greatest odds there is.

Despite my weekend plans being thrown off by starting, I do feel joy. I feel freedom. Released from an emotional torture we've endured for 3 and half years. We feel we have finally done everything in our power on our end. We feel we can finally rest in the Lord as He works out whatever plan He has in store for us and have peace of mind that there is nothing else we can be doing. I'm still going to have the polyp surgery. I want that sucker out of there so that it can't develop into cancer. But after that, we are free to move forward and stop being in limbo living from two-week point to two-week point. We are FREE! We are proclaiming thanks for the blessings we have already been showered with and gonna roll around in 'em for a while and stop waiting and wishing for what may never be. And I thank the Lord for our trials for it makes us blessed and sharpened to be used for His Kingdom.

Now, I'm no fool. I still want another baby. I wish with all my heart that BFG could have a sibling. So, I know there will still be some rough roads and sad times ahead. But it will just be different in my Spirit. I can't really explain it, but I know someone out there understands.

Mama Said

Zzzzzzzz!

I am so, so tired. Been so busy lately. I've been trying to get so much done to make December easier that November has become my dreaded month! Appointments, activities, chores, etc. have just piled up on me. Of course, the first week of December is already booked, too. I love the holiday season if there just wasn't so much to do!

And BFG has just become such a diva that I am ready to spit nails. I cannot take much more of the wait-on-me-hand-and-foot-be-at-my-beck-and-call-keep-me-entertained attitude! But we are way, way too busy to institute a change now. There is no way to be consistent. So, here I am gritting my teeth trying to wait out the next 6 weeks. Then, I'm taking her Christmas toys hostage til she acts right. Just kidding. Or not. Hee, hee. I am flipping a switch come January. (Okay, so it will probably be after the Target 75% Christmas sales. We're talking priorities, people. A few more weeks won't hurt her.) Ol' BFG is gonna learn just how privileged she is when she starts losing her privileges and has to earn them.

I really don't know how I got on all this! I was just going to post that I was tired and had taken BFG for her 5 yr. old pictures today. I am so pumped! I can't wait to get the proofs! I think these are going to be really, really good. After all, she only cried once the whole time. And she eventually stopped being mad at the photographer for making her say words that made her smile. Of course, he did not realize her amazing knack for talking without moving her teeth and the ability to keep the fake smile plastered on no matter what she says. What was he thinking? We live in the South. Us Southern girls come out of the birth canal knowing how to do that!

Smiling through my gritted teeth,
Mama Said

Not Me! Monday: Redneck Edition

I tell you what, the stuff that's been going on around here lately has just NOT been redneck.

• First of all, Rhett did NOT leave for work the other morning with a chicken roosting on the hood of his truck. Whatever! Seriously, who does that happen to? Of course, since this did NOT happen, he did NOT drive a ways down the road before he noticed. And no one would EVER dream that Rhett would try swerving and junk to get the chicken to fly off into oblivion. NOT my Rhett! So, Rhett did NOT have to drive back home and get the chicken off by hand.

• Oh, and while we are NOT on Rhett, we did NOT finally have the chimney sweep come. And we did NOT discover that Rhett's fires have been so big and hot that most of the mortar in the bottom of the fireplace was cracked out and ruined. So, we had NOT one ember away from burning our house down for months. NOT us! We are WAY too savvy for that. So, we are NOT praising the Lord for protecting us from our own ignorance.

• And, by the way, the fireplace people were NOT the quietest workers I have ever, ever heard. NO, NOT at all. They were SO talkative in fact the only thing I heard them say to each other was one asked the other when his baby was due. That was NOT it!

• I did NOT (and I repeat) did NOT spend $60 at Target on 75% off Halloween candy! I know you know that I would NEVER do that! I do NOT raid Target after every holiday! What are you thinking? I HATE a good deal. And I NEVER buy ANYTHING I don't need! Besides, we do NOT even eat candy. Are you kidding? It's NOT like the very next day I took BFG to the dentist and she had two cavities or anything. Oh, please. And since that did NOT happen, I did NOT tell her that she was going to have to stop eating candy all the time. She did NOT say, "But, Mom, what about all that candy we bought yesterday at Target?" And, you know what a conscientious mother I am, so of course, I did NOT reply, "Well, as soon as we eat up that candy, buddy, your candy day's are over." I mean, really. Who would shove $60 worth of candy on a 4 year old with two cavities? NOT me!

• And while at Target, my sister and I did NOT raid the Dollar Spot. What's a Dollar Spot? We are WAY too classy for that! And while we were there, we did NOT discover a bunch of Smurf stuff. And I did NOT come home with $10 or $15 worth of Dollar Spot stuff. And if I did, it would be SO worth it because absolutely NONE of it is junk. And I do NOT now have a Papa Smurf sign that says "Who's Your Papa?" hanging in my study. That is so NOT redneck!

• And, finally, my nephew did NOT find a copperhead snake in our creek. And he did NOT find it because he was about to urinate on it. Whatever! Boys NEVER go to the bathroom outside! And, of course, we were NOT all terrified by the copperhead. My brother-in-law did NOT shoot it. Oh, NO! We welcomed it, gave it a snack, and told it stay awhile. And I am NOT still scared of all the ones that could still be out there.

Happy NOT Me-ing!

Mama Said

Round 2 Update

Well, Round 2 was a dud as well. Now, I am in the middle of taking the Clomed for Round 3. We go next week for the final IUI.

Doesn't it seem like this is going by really fast? I'm glad. I'm so ready to be done with this. I do not like being an emotional roller coaster one bit. I guess I should concentrate on the blessing of modern medicine. It is amazing what God has allowed to man to do. But the truth remains that life only comes from the Lord above no matter what tricks man tries.

Mama Said

Eeeek! Frightening!

Apparently, I didn't just dress like an old lady sourpuss for Halloween. According to BFG, I am one! More frightening than this picture of me is a conversation I had with BFG the other day. We were leaving my parents' house and I was complaining about something as usual and said to my mom, "Oh, I'm just ill. I'm ill all the time." (Ill is our word for grumpy.)
BFG chimed in, "Yeah, she is. She is ill all the time."

At first I laughed, but by the time we got loaded in the car I was upset and thinking, Surely she didn't mean that. I mean, come on, ALL the time. So, I decided to ask her.
Me: Mommy's not ill all the time, am I?
BFG: Yeah . . . Well, almost all the time.
Me: So, you think I'm ill every day?
BFG: Almost every day.
Me: thinking Oh, probably all kids think their parents are ill all the time.
Me: So, is Daddy ill all the time?
BFG: NO! He's not ill very much at all.


Crap, crap, crap! This is how I'm raising my child. This is the childhood she'll remember. Her mom being ill all the time. Great. All the fun things I do with her do not override the day-to-day attitude I have.

It's not like I didn't know it though. And, unfortunately, I know it because of the way she acts. Her ill tone, her short temper, her being so easily frustrated. It's all because of me. I look at that little thing and I'm looking into a mirror. Worse than a mirror. It shows me my heart because according to the Bible what is in the heart spews out from the mouth.

Oh, how I long to be one of those gracious, patient, soft-spoken mothers with a meek and gentle spirit. I battle my flesh on this every day and I know God's brought me farther than I was. I just pray that I get there before BFG grows up to be just like me.

What about you? What are you inadvertently passing down to your children that you really wish you weren't?

Mama Said