Eeeek! Frightening!

Apparently, I didn't just dress like an old lady sourpuss for Halloween. According to BFG, I am one! More frightening than this picture of me is a conversation I had with BFG the other day. We were leaving my parents' house and I was complaining about something as usual and said to my mom, "Oh, I'm just ill. I'm ill all the time." (Ill is our word for grumpy.)
BFG chimed in, "Yeah, she is. She is ill all the time."

At first I laughed, but by the time we got loaded in the car I was upset and thinking, Surely she didn't mean that. I mean, come on, ALL the time. So, I decided to ask her.
Me: Mommy's not ill all the time, am I?
BFG: Yeah . . . Well, almost all the time.
Me: So, you think I'm ill every day?
BFG: Almost every day.
Me: thinking Oh, probably all kids think their parents are ill all the time.
Me: So, is Daddy ill all the time?
BFG: NO! He's not ill very much at all.


Crap, crap, crap! This is how I'm raising my child. This is the childhood she'll remember. Her mom being ill all the time. Great. All the fun things I do with her do not override the day-to-day attitude I have.

It's not like I didn't know it though. And, unfortunately, I know it because of the way she acts. Her ill tone, her short temper, her being so easily frustrated. It's all because of me. I look at that little thing and I'm looking into a mirror. Worse than a mirror. It shows me my heart because according to the Bible what is in the heart spews out from the mouth.

Oh, how I long to be one of those gracious, patient, soft-spoken mothers with a meek and gentle spirit. I battle my flesh on this every day and I know God's brought me farther than I was. I just pray that I get there before BFG grows up to be just like me.

What about you? What are you inadvertently passing down to your children that you really wish you weren't?

Mama Said