Not Me! Monday

First of all, I did NOT attempt to go to 5 stores and a warehouse sale in one day last week. Whatever! I would NEVER do that because I am NOT that dumb. Seriously, who would try to take a 4 yr old to that many places? Not me! And while at the warehouse, I did NOT let BFG get a slap bracelet to play with the first two minutes we were there. That would be insane! And she did NOT spend the next hour slapping it against the buggy making her very own fireworks show. And since she would NEVER do such a thing, she did NOT keep saying, "Mom, mom, watch! Are you ready for this big firework? Huh, mom? Are you ready? MOM! Are you watching?" Naturally, I am such a CALM person that my nerves were NOT totally shot. I'm serious. They were NOT so shot that my teeth were chattering. That is so NOT me to lose my cool like that. So, I certainly did NOT end up uttering through very clenched teeth (to stop the chattering), "I cannot, absolutely cannot watch ANYMORE!!!" To which, BFG did NOT reply, " I know you can't watch, Mom. Okay, are you ready? Now, watch!!!" And, of course, the warehouse was NOT un-air conditioned in 90 degree heat, which made things SO much more fun!

My sister and I did NOT renig on our stance of no yard sales this summer on Saturday. Why would we? We do NOT have so much of our own junk that we have this insane need to go buy other people's. I did NOT have this burning desire to go to yard sales that festered inside me for weeks until I finally went. And, if we did lose our marbles and actually GO to yard sales, we would absolutely, NO how, NO way come home with over 200 Beanie Babies!!! I don't care how much our girls would NOT like them! I don't care how good of deal we did NOT get! We just would NOT do that! I mean really, over 200 Beanie Babies! Puh-lease! NOT us!

BFG and Curly Sue (my niece who lives next door) did NOT get the hare-brained idea of disguising themselves so that the neighbor girl would not recognize them. They did NOT put on wigs and make-up. Oh, NO! NOT them! And, of course, they did NOT stain their clothes with the make-up and drop and break the powder on my bathroom rug staining it, too. Of course, I did NOT give them permission to put on make-up because I was NOT picturing a little glitter and lip gloss. And I knew EXACTLY what they were NOT doing the entire time! 'Cause that's the kind of mom I am. On top of it for sure! And I am NOT posting a picture of the results. Oh, and of course, the neighbor girl had NO idea who they were especially since they had on their favorite clothes they do NOT wear every other day.



Rhett did NOT take a quick trip to the mini-mart on Saturday. NOT him! And if he did, he would NOT arrive home 2 and half hour later. Oh, please. Because he did NOT go to the mart, he did NOT then decide to go visit a cemetery for his "research". He NEVER does that. And since he did NOT do that, he did NOT leave his car running while and he got out only to come back and find his car had died. That's just ludicrous! Stuff like that NEVER happens to him. Seriously, that car has NOT been leaving him stranded since we first met 7 years ago. Of course, it's NOT like he refuses to own a cell phone and had to walk 4 miles to our road to a neighbor's house to call. And, as you can imagine, the road was NOT completely uphill and down at almost vertical inclines the whole way. Naturally, this whole time I was NOT worried one bit about him and did NOT have a gut feeling that something was wrong. Oh, NO. I did NOT spend 2 and half hours saying, "I'm getting worried about him. Something has happened." Because if I was really that worried, I would NOT have gone outside for the second hour and a half and missed his phone call. Oh, well. At least the neighbor's did NOT give him a ride home so he didn't have to walk another 2 or 3 miles.

Aaaah, there's NOT more to tell. But I am sure you are NOT sick of reading by now. Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said