How Many People . . .

• stand in their driveway for 30 seconds with their dog on a leash and have the leash slip into a crack around the car headlight and get hung on something inside the car headlight making you and the dog stuck to the car? (Of course, you could obviously let go since the dog is stuck but you stand there screaming for your brother-in-law to help instead.)


• open the door to take their dog potty before bedtime only to have a spider run in the house under the screen door and while you are trying to kill this very crafty spider who has obviously spent its life training on how to get away from you, your dog manages to somehow (through the screen door) grab the live mouse the cat is playing with outside, slips out of the leash, and runs all over the house with a mouse in his mouth while you scream helplessly for Rhett all the while still trying to kill the spider and when Rhett finally comes, BFG is crying her eyeballs out because he won't let her come down with him.

• mow the unused area of their garden like Rhett did and mow over a real live rat that is as big as a cat. Yes, a rat living in our garden and not just any rat. Apparently, it was a bionic rat that can survive being mowed over without a scratch. I am so thankful our garden is almost done because I am terrified of being in it now. And who knew there was even such a thing as wild rats? Not me. Therefore, any thought of ever having a backyard camp out has been squelched. And I must say, I have a new determination and motivation to actually weed the garden next year. Ugh!!!!!

Mama Said

Sleep Problems

You might have sleep problems if . . .

• You fall asleep with a puppet over your muzzle.


• You have had mice this summer (get that, mice--as in plural!) and you had the bad experience of hearing them move around at night. So, you lay in bed all night every night for at least the past 6 weeks listening to see if you hear them, worrying if they've chewed up wires and a fire is going to break out, and terrified that one may get on your 4 yr old DD upstairs because of a horrifying experience you had as a child where a mouse got on your mom's head while she was reading you a story.


• On June 12, you caved and got satellite after 15 months of having only 6 channels and it's your first time with DVR and you record everything you have ever thought about wanting to watch and stay up all night watching TV and no matter what time you turn it off, you still lay awake listening for the above mice.


• After you are pretty darn sure all the mice are dead, you have nightmares about hearing or seeing one and it wakes you out of a dead sleep and keeps you awake for at least an hour.


• You have to go to the bathroom multiple times during the night.


• Your husband snores.


• Your DD gets up about 5 nights a week at 4:00 am to tell you she had a bad dream and comes and gets in bed with you while you are secretly wondering if the mice have been scurrying around in her room and that is what really woke her up.


• Every time you move, you wake up because your whole body hurts because your mattress is too darn old but your old house and the needs of the farm keep sucking up any money that could be used to by one.


• Or you have a night like we did last night where I actually, unbelievably fell asleep very easily around 10:30 only to have someone from second shift call for Rhett at 10:50 to tell of a problem on the line at the factory. After listening to Rhett talk about it til 11:30, he decides to go in and make the change on the computer. So, I am then forced to stay up because I'm convinced something terrible is going to happen to him on the drive there and back. While I'm up watching DVR-ed stuff, BFG wakes up at 12:45 am. I go upstairs to her room this time and drift off. Rhett comes home at 1:20 am. I wake up and come downstairs. BFG wakes back up at 4:00 am and I go back upstairs so that Rhett can get some rest. By 6:00 am, I am just miserable with BFG literally sleeping with her head on top of me. I bring her down stairs for us to sleep. At 6:30, Rhett wakes me up while he's leaving for work. At 6:55, somehow the alarm had been magically set (we rarely use an alarm) and goes off and it happens to be on Rhett's side of the bed. I leap over BFG to grab it, shut it off, and sleep til 8:30 with little feet kicking me. And throughout all of this, I seriously went to the bathroom at least 15 times. I don't even know how I had that much in me and think I may now possibly be dehydrated.

I'm starting to look forward to this polyp surgery because I least I can get some awesome, deep, much needed sleep!

Mama Said

Pete and Repeat

Remember ol' Pete and Repeat sitting on that ol' log . . .

I tell you what, this little rhyme describes my life so well . . .

BECAUSE ALL I DO IS REPEAT MYSELF!!!!!!!

For whatever oddball reason, NO ONE can ever HEAR me!

I get so tired of saying the same things over and over and over and over.

And it's anything and everything I say, too.

Like I could say in a nice pleasant, singsong, I'm-a-happy-mommy voice, "The sun is shining today."
BFG: What?
Me (a little louder this time): The sun is shining today.
BFG: What? Someone's coming over to play?
Me (with a few feathers ruffled): NO! The SUN is shining TODAY?
BFG: Huh? I don't understand.
Me (totally losing it after repeating every sentence I utter every single day): THE SUN IS SHINING TODAY! JUST FORGET IT!!! WHY CAN NO ONE EVER HEAR? I AM SO TIRED OF REPEATING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!

Fast forward to while I'm cooking dinner . . .
Rhett (in another room): mumble, mumble, mumble
Me: What?
Rhett: Mumble, Mumble, Mumble
Me: WHAT? Seriously, Rhett, I can't hear you over all this stuff.
Rhett: MUMBLE, MUMBLE, MUMBLE, Just forget it.
Me: Well, I can't help it. I can't HEAR you!

Ironic, huh?
Mama Said

If This Is Global Warming, I'll Take It!!!

I tell you what, this global warming stuff is just killing us around here. Oh, how we are suffering! In the past week, we have beat record lows from the 1800's!!! I'm talking we have been in the 50's at night.

Here.

In the South.

Where it is usually a heat wave this time of year.

Like upper 90's to 100.

But this year, we are incredibly having 75 degree days! Somehow we are having temps 20 degrees below normal despite the fact we are supposedly destroying the planet and causing temps to rise. Hmmm . . .

And we're having a bumper crop in the garden because it's raining like clockwork every 2-3 days, which drought is the norm for us at this time of year. I am just simply amazed because I thought food was going to be unable to be grown because I actually use plastic grocery bags and (cringe) have my thermostat set to 70! Yikes!

So, if this is Global Warming, I'm game! Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about standing in front of the open refrigerator, or (gasp!) leaving lights on all over the house, or taking baths as hot as possible, or having my Plug-In's plugged in, or (Dun-dun-DUN! Brace yourself!) using gas in my car!!! Aaaaagh! The nerve of me!

Heck, I think I'll head on outside now and just sit in my car with the windows down and the air on full blast. Oh, wait! I don't need the air on full blast because the temperature is so much lower than normal.

If you think like me, you get this post. If you don't and think I'm terrible, check out the Bible. The Lord promises that He shall destroy the Earth, not man. And that seasons will change as Jesus's return draws near. Sorry, honey, no carbon footprint is going to change what has been destined since before time began.

Mama Said

A Boo-boo Here and a Boo-boo There

Well, as normal, things are falling apart one by one around here.

Poor ol' Rocky-boy has hurt his back paw. I have no idea what is wrong with it. I think it happened when he jumped in the creek. But he is the limpin'-est (yes, that's a word 'round these parts) most pitiful little thing you ever did see! I really hope it gets better. 'Cause if I have to take him to the vet over it, I'm just gonna have him neutered at the same time. And then Rocky-boy will really be howling a sad tune. Sorry, boy. Betcha won't be jumpin' in the creek anymore, will ya?

Ya'll know Rhett's car has bit the dust and is in the shop. The guy we use fixes cars as a second job so sometimes it takes awhile, but the boy's prices are very worth it. Plus, Rhett can drive the beater truck around so it's really not that big of deal.

Well, believe it or not, on the way to have Rhett's second . . . uh-hum, er . . . "test" done, some lady hit us in my car! We were almost there too. Downtown in the big city. Turning left in a double left turn lane. My blinker was on. But the lady in the other turn lane for some reason thought I was going to go straight and she turned left into my lane bumping us in the process.

It's kind of funny when I think about it. I was turning . . .turning . . . look in the sideview mirror and see a white mustang coming straight at me . . . wait! what's happening here? . . . brrrd brrd brrrd . . . Dang!

Ya'll, I just let that woman go. We were downtown on a bridge over the interstate at lunch time with traffic backing up all around us, my bumper was scratched some but not dented and I don't think knocked out of alignment too bad if at all, our appointment was in 30 minutes, I knew without a doubt I would never get Rhett to come "test" a third time, and I knew we didn't have anymore extra vehicles lying around the farm, you can't file an insurance claim in our state without a police report and I was NOT waiting around for the cops.

I tell you what, a 9 yr. old, paid-for car can be a great blessing at times. It was so much more worth it to get Rhett to his appt and to not be without a car. And think about how I was able to bless that woman. And she was very sweet and very grateful. God is good, I tell ya.

Oh, my parents will be furious when they find out and they will. Even if I buff all the scratches off my bumper, my dad will notice immediately. That's what 30 years in insurance does to ya'. Oh, well. I am a grown-up now and can make my own decisions. I am a grown-up now and can make my own decisions. I am a grown-up now and can . . .
Mama Said

Not Me! Monday

First of all, I did NOT attempt to go to 5 stores and a warehouse sale in one day last week. Whatever! I would NEVER do that because I am NOT that dumb. Seriously, who would try to take a 4 yr old to that many places? Not me! And while at the warehouse, I did NOT let BFG get a slap bracelet to play with the first two minutes we were there. That would be insane! And she did NOT spend the next hour slapping it against the buggy making her very own fireworks show. And since she would NEVER do such a thing, she did NOT keep saying, "Mom, mom, watch! Are you ready for this big firework? Huh, mom? Are you ready? MOM! Are you watching?" Naturally, I am such a CALM person that my nerves were NOT totally shot. I'm serious. They were NOT so shot that my teeth were chattering. That is so NOT me to lose my cool like that. So, I certainly did NOT end up uttering through very clenched teeth (to stop the chattering), "I cannot, absolutely cannot watch ANYMORE!!!" To which, BFG did NOT reply, " I know you can't watch, Mom. Okay, are you ready? Now, watch!!!" And, of course, the warehouse was NOT un-air conditioned in 90 degree heat, which made things SO much more fun!

My sister and I did NOT renig on our stance of no yard sales this summer on Saturday. Why would we? We do NOT have so much of our own junk that we have this insane need to go buy other people's. I did NOT have this burning desire to go to yard sales that festered inside me for weeks until I finally went. And, if we did lose our marbles and actually GO to yard sales, we would absolutely, NO how, NO way come home with over 200 Beanie Babies!!! I don't care how much our girls would NOT like them! I don't care how good of deal we did NOT get! We just would NOT do that! I mean really, over 200 Beanie Babies! Puh-lease! NOT us!

BFG and Curly Sue (my niece who lives next door) did NOT get the hare-brained idea of disguising themselves so that the neighbor girl would not recognize them. They did NOT put on wigs and make-up. Oh, NO! NOT them! And, of course, they did NOT stain their clothes with the make-up and drop and break the powder on my bathroom rug staining it, too. Of course, I did NOT give them permission to put on make-up because I was NOT picturing a little glitter and lip gloss. And I knew EXACTLY what they were NOT doing the entire time! 'Cause that's the kind of mom I am. On top of it for sure! And I am NOT posting a picture of the results. Oh, and of course, the neighbor girl had NO idea who they were especially since they had on their favorite clothes they do NOT wear every other day.



Rhett did NOT take a quick trip to the mini-mart on Saturday. NOT him! And if he did, he would NOT arrive home 2 and half hour later. Oh, please. Because he did NOT go to the mart, he did NOT then decide to go visit a cemetery for his "research". He NEVER does that. And since he did NOT do that, he did NOT leave his car running while and he got out only to come back and find his car had died. That's just ludicrous! Stuff like that NEVER happens to him. Seriously, that car has NOT been leaving him stranded since we first met 7 years ago. Of course, it's NOT like he refuses to own a cell phone and had to walk 4 miles to our road to a neighbor's house to call. And, as you can imagine, the road was NOT completely uphill and down at almost vertical inclines the whole way. Naturally, this whole time I was NOT worried one bit about him and did NOT have a gut feeling that something was wrong. Oh, NO. I did NOT spend 2 and half hours saying, "I'm getting worried about him. Something has happened." Because if I was really that worried, I would NOT have gone outside for the second hour and a half and missed his phone call. Oh, well. At least the neighbor's did NOT give him a ride home so he didn't have to walk another 2 or 3 miles.

Aaaah, there's NOT more to tell. But I am sure you are NOT sick of reading by now. Happy Not Me-ing!
Mama Said

Breathe!

Whew! I can't believe it's been three weeks since I've written! Wow!

Hmmm . . . let's do the past three weeks in fast forward:

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning in preparation for my grandma's 80th birthday bash on the Fourth (which turned out to be for nil 'cause it poured torrential rains and everyone stayed over at my sister's next door). Oh, well. Needed to be done anyway. Got lots of junk cleared out and stuff from storage put away.

Trips to the fertility clinic. Nothing big. Just more tests and stuff. Still facing possible surgery at some point for the cyst on my ovary and the uterine polyp, which is freaking me out just a bit. Can they please get that thing out of there?

A get-together for my good friend who is adopting a baby any day now! And the same shin-dig to say bye to my good friend who is moving out of state! Waaaaahhhhh!

Gardening! Our very first garden and it's out of control! It is producing so, so much. I'm so surprised because we are not ones to keep it weeded. Okay, so we don't weed it. But we do have the blessings of pumping water from the creek and my brother-in-law's honey bees, which are keeping everything very fruitful.

My friend who is starting up a photography biz came out and did a photo shoot with me and BFG for FREE!!!! That was awesome!

Oh, and Rhett was off for a week. And lil' ol' Rhett can just be a computer hog. He's on it all the time!!! I will be so glad when he gets done with the history of our house. I admire and respect the work he's done. He's really worked hard. But he's like any man and can get tunnel vision just focusing on one thing super intensely. And I'm ready to have him (and the computer) back! LOL!

Although to be honest, I just plain don't feel like being in here on the computer. I just want to be outside, which is highly unusual for me. It must be the garden. I just love that thing!

Hope ya'll are having a great summer!
Mama Said