Not Me! Monday

I think I'll will NOT start off with the best one. We did NOT go to Wal-Mart on Saturday to buy BFG a new bike. NO WAY! You will NOT catch me in Wal-Mart on a Saturday and esp. NOT Rhett. We were so NOT there. And while we were NOT there, I did NOT have a list of 10 other things to "pick up" while we were there. And I was so NOT getting on Rhett's nerves as I'm trying to look at everything as we walk around. Knowing how much Rhett LOVES when I get distracted shopping, I was NOT trying to just gaze around as much as possible while walking and getting the items on my list while he did NOT push the buggy behind me and BFG. BFG and I did NOT turn off into the hairspray aisle while Rhett waited out in the main aisle. WHATEVER! Rhett LOVES to be involved in every minute purchase and ADORES my indecision and prolonged deliberation. So, I did NOT walk back out to the main aisle with the hairspray in one hand and holding BFG's hand with the other and my head turning every which way taking in all the surrounding items as quickly as possible. And since I was being SO careful and paying SUCH close attention, I absolutely did NOT, did NOT, did NOT put my hairspray in another waiting man's buggy! Who would do that? Seriously! It's NOT like the man was 15 years older than Rhett and had glasses and a mustache. How could this have happened anyway? It's NOT like Rhett had totally ditched us and was no where to be seen. And BFG did NOT realize what I was doing AT ALL and totally did NOT stay quiet and let me make a fool of myself. NO Way! And as I'm NOT putting my hairspray in the man's buggy, he did NOT say, "Nope! You've got the wrong one!" and did NOT try to move his buggy out of my reach. I was so NOT embarrassed! And we did NOT see him and his wife everywhere we went in the store after that. That kind of stuff NEVER happens. Boy, I sure am glad we did NOT go Wal-Mart!

Later that night, we did NOT make BFG take a bath for church the next morning. And I did NOT hear her screaming while she was supposed to be washing her hair. Of course, since this wasn't happening, I did NOT run as fast as I could to the bathroom (all of 15 feet away) and pictures of blood and razors so did NOT run through my mind. I did NOT reach the bathroom to discover no blood (yea!), but a very distraught BFG with the shampoo bottle. I was NOT so upset that I jerked the shampoo bottle away from her so that she could calm down and tell me what was wrong. However, the problem was NOT that the shampoo was attached to her chest! She had NOT been trying to close it and it did NOT pinch her skin into the cap. I did NOT have no idea and had NOT just ripped it off of her. NO WAY! And she did NOT cry forever making me feel like total crap (after I could come out from behind the shower curtain where I was NOT laughing at the absurdity of it). I am just so glad that this NEVER happened and I'm SO one of those moms that ALWAYS stays in the bathroom while their child takes a bath. I would so NEVER leave my child alone in the bathroom even if I had NOT convinced them touching the faucet results in the penalty of hospitalization and they are old enough and quite capable of bathing themselves except for the occasional shampoo bottle monster. ;)

Happy Not Me-ing!

Mama Said